By C. J. Stegall-Evans
Today I’m trying not to write, I find myself trolling the internet reading interesting articles. I have so much work I need to do and yet I insist on wasting time. I don’t know why I just can’t sit and work on one of three projects. I love writing but part of me is not completely comfortable with being a writer. I have always been a writer but part of me was not sure I would not be a real writer until I secured the educational credentials.
Now that I have the educational credentials some days I still feel as if I’m pretending. I love reading the works of other writers and I don’t hold them to the high standards as I hold myself. It may be that I get lots of support for my work out side of my family and friends, but within this group few considers me a real writer.
I’m quite aware that I look quite like a beach bum to them, although this is far from the truth; I am busier now than ever. I love my life and it is authentic, but sometimes because it does not look like the life of anyone else I know life I am treated as if it lacks relevance. Most days I don’t worry about what my life looks to others and concentrate on what it feels like to me.
It feels like freedom. It feels like a quiet tranquil existence with time for prayer and meditation. It feels like I wake up every morning and I get to be myself. I realize in our society being yourself is an amazing feat. I have always told my son “the hardest thing in this world to be is yourself.”
I even had a family member sit me down a few years ago to tell me what’s wrong with my life. I could not believe I was having an intervention for being a bookworm. Afterwards, I considered the source, and thought about my life. I asked myself if this was someone whose lifestyle would work within the parameters of my personal vision. I quickly realized it wasn’t me but rather someone who did not understand or respect my choice of lifestyle.
***In the practice of writing as a sacred art, even when you don’t feel like writing, sit and write. You may be surprised at what comes out. The above is an experiment in writing through writer’s block. You are a writer because you write; it is a title you bestow upon yourself. You don’t need anyone else’s approval.
© 2010 by C. J. Stegall-Evans (All Rights Reserved)
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