May 18, 2010

By C. J. Stegall-Evans 

I am in the process of becoming and I have horrible growing pains. We are always in the process of becoming but I feel now is one of those fork in the road moments in time that determines my destiny for years to come.

I can’t not explain how I know this except to say we intutitutively know when we are at a crossroads road in our life and we must either go straight, left or right. Needless to say I am spending a lot of time in deep thought and prayer. I am taking into consideration the consequences of all my actions.

I’m trying to figure out what will make me happy long-term rather than just addressing my present wants and needs. Growing up seems to be an ongoing process in which I am not always adequately equipped to participate at an optimum level.

I would love to be one of those people who get life served up on a silver platter. Instead I stumble through life getting bumps and bruises from the lessons learned along the way.  Anne Lamott says, “You have to make mistakes to find out who you aren’t.”

I guess I’m tired of finding out who I am not and want to get on to the business of who I am. It seems as if as soon as I get a handle on it I start to transition again. Every ten years a new person emerges; the only light at the end of this tunnel is that the new person is always a better person.

I know it seems I am lamenting my plight but in reality I am analyzing out loud in an effort to find understanding. Some people talk, or think things out but I prefer the written word. Everything becomes clearer after I write about it.

Okay, maybe everything does not become clearer but I do feel better after writing. Writing is one of the few things in life that speaks to my soul. I have made a lot of mistakes in life, of which I have no regrets, but becoming a writer is not one of them.


© 2010 C. J. Stegall-Evans (All Rights Reserved)  

Designed by Tim Sainburg from Brambling Design

Categories: Blogging.