Yes, you heard me; run away from home; run and run fast! Okay, well maybe not, but finding ones place in this world is important. In February of 2003, I am sitting in my Father’s house (I have been living here for two and a half years) wondering once again what to do with myself. I had dropped out of Masters of Divinity degree program in seminary, because I knew religion was not my calling; I am a writer. A writer overwhelmed by this life that doesn’t make sense; then it finally dawns on me: I get to create the life I want for myself and my son; I need to run away from home.
I need to run away from home because I am a widow and previously my identity was tied to my husband. After returning home, I try desperately to become a good mother, daughter, sister, and friend to those who love me. I am trying everything except finding out what I want and embracing it with my whole heart. Part of me knows the lifestyle I want, but I am too afraid to speak out and boldly say, “all I want for the rest of my life is to live on the beach and write.” On this day, in this instant, my new issue becomes where is home?
I begin looking at homes on the internet and for whatever reason I am drawn to a $125,000 shack on Maui in Hawaii. When my son returns from school I playfully show him our new home. He looks at me defiantly, and growls “I’m not living in a shack on Maui. Look at it, I bet the house has no running water or electricity. I hate Catholic school and I’m willing to move to get away from it, but I need walls, running water, electricity, and it would be nice to live a little closer to my grandparents.”
I consider his needs, and then I think back to my first military duty station in Jacksonville, Florida. Whenever military life gets to tough, I retreat to nearby St. Augustine, Florida and become a writer for a day. It is settled, my son and I will move to St. Augustine and I can become a writer for the rest of my life. That is the easy part, now I had only to work out the how and when.
I set my intention to moving to St. Augustine; I write it in my journal because writing it down makes it real. I visualize my goal every day, so that my subconscious knows this is where we’re going. Although I do not know the how, I know my goal is achievable. In July of 2003 when I am in St. Augustine scouting for a place to live; I received a call from my father. It seems I have received an unexpected check in the mail which was more than enough to cover my moving expenses. In August of 2003 my son are packed and moving to our dream.
Does it take running away from home to awaken the writer within; I hope not but some of have to go to extremes to find ourselves. I have a need to go where life takes me; we humans are most fulfilled when we are living our lives in a purposeful manner. I may not have my shack on Maui, but I do get to be a writer every day, for this I am grateful. I still fantasize about that lovely little shack on Maui, but I must say, especially on those top of the head burning hot Florida days, I truly appreciate walls, running water, electricity, and it really is nice to be less than a seven hour drive from my parents.
© 2009 by C. J. Stegall-Evans
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